The Support Struggle

Until more recently than I would like to admit, I used to count the empty seats at my theatre performances. The empty seats were a visual representation of the people I expected to support me who did not show up. I kept a tally because, in my mind, my closest friends and family were not meeting my expectations of what it meant to support me. Then I would spiral:

"Why didn't they come out?"

"Do they not love me as much as I thought they did?"

"Were hoping for me to fail so that my position in their lives doesn't change?"

Or were they still supporting me, just in the best way they know how?

When choosing to live out a passion--whether it's entrepreneurship or artistry--we expect our family and friends to be our number one fans. We expect them to patronize our businesses, read our newsletters, cheer for us on opening night, etc. But often, they don't. And that sucks!

Forging a new path does not guarantee that our loved ones will follow along; they are on their journeys. It does close relationships a disservice to equate attendance or purchases with love and support. Your friends and family know the old version of you; when you switch things up, they need time to learn the new one. Provide your loved ones with opportunities to learn the new you while maintaining the existing relationships. Cutting them off because they don’t immediately support or understand your new path is unkind. It’s crucial to be gracious with our loved ones because we still need them. Your passion is just one part of your life--those people can continue to be present in the other parts.

I wish all of my family members and friends would come out to every show I produce, read every poem I write, and like all of my social media posts. But they don’t because they’re loving me the way they know how to. Plus, they have their own lives and passions to live out. But even in their absence, I still love them and want to keep them in my life, which would be difficult to do while holding resentment.

I no longer keep a tally of those not supporting me; instead, I'm making room for new supporters. Living out my passion makes way for new communities. I’m putting my effort into community-building with people of similar goals and interests, who recognize my small successes and whose advice is applicable because they better grasp what I'm trying to achieve. Maybe the empty seats I counted in the audience were actually for them.